I'll explain why i've got this partitioned off blog in a bit, but right now, I'm pissed. at myself.
So i'm sitting in Boulder like every time with my laptop open and the book, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" in front of me. I'm wasting time as usual, doing nothing constructive that would help propel me into life except sporadically reading the book.
My focus, my determination is not there. My intelligence, my looks, my confidence, everything that makes me who I am is not there.
Sitting in the corner without a damn care in the world except for ONE thing. Women. They are my failing point and my social skills are lacking in this area.
Imagine the above situation in Boulder. Then at a point during the night, a girl comes into Boulder, orders some wine, sits on a couch and opens her book, reading. Body language is SCREAMING approach me!
I think, "you'll approach her in a bit. let the tension build up. just keep looking every so often while focusing on Hitchhiker's."
she glances. Interest is there, clearly. "How do I approach her? I don't want to talk as to raise expectations of the person about my ability to talk clearly, yet not understand her. Paper and pencil's the trick."
Then chain-smoking whitebearded old man comes in, shuffles around, tries setting up shop at one seat near girl. She ignores him. Man fails to get a proper plug for his laptop, so moves to another chair, is successful in getting plug after a good five minutes. girl is somewhat bemused. I share in bemusement from a split second look.
I work on bolstering confidence after her sitting there for oh so fucking long. Guy from other room approaches and instantly starts game, only to end up leaving with her. He got up, went to front desk for a second, while she looks at me. A lingering look and satisfied smile with an air of "You could've, but you didn't." then Grabs the guy, says something to him, then walks out with him.
Opportunity lost. Opportunities lost over life. Stop being so damn scared. just stop the fucking cycle.
